


Mission Log 184 (How Not To Make Small Talk)

by UnsolvedRubixsCube



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Humor, I Spy - Freeform, Rated T for swearing, Riddles, Talon Trio, Team Talon, almost a chat fic, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 05:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18888184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnsolvedRubixsCube/pseuds/UnsolvedRubixsCube
Summary: Sometimes nothing happens on missions, even for the bad guys.Based on long car trips with my family.





	Mission Log 184 (How Not To Make Small Talk)

**Author's Note:**

> The Overwatch Fandom always needs more of the Talon Trio then I realized I can do that.

Official transcript of Mission [Retracted] 184

Operatives: Reaper, Team Leader. Widowmaker, Sniper. Sombra, Tech Professional

Objective – Surveillance and Intel Retrieval

Location: [Retracted] Spain. Coordinates: [Retracted]. Site: Nuclear Power Plant

 

* * *

 

22:32 Local Time

 

Sombra: _Sigh_

Sombra: _Sigh_

Sombra: _Siiiiiiiiggghh_

Sombra: I can’t believe you got us assigned to the only dead zone left in the world.

Reaper: It’s a nuke plant Sombra. What did you expect?

Sombra: To have a lot more work to do than just override a few measly security AIs. God, I can’t believe I can’t get any bars out here.

Reaper: Keep the chatter down. And don’t you have data?

Sombra: It’s not called that anymore old man and no because I didn’t plan on being launched back to the Middle Ages this evening.

Sombra: _Sigh_

Sombra: I’m so bored.

Sombra: Reaps there’s nothing to do, and I’m boooooooooooooooooo-

[User Sombra - Muted]

Reaper: Chatter, Sombra.

[User Sombra - Unmuted]

Sombra: -ooooooooooooreeeeeeeeeeed.

Sombra: We have the most secure channel in the world. Trust me.

Sombra: And you really don’t need to worry about me clogging up the line because nothing is going to happen!

Sombra: Ugh. I can feel my brain cells dying.

Reaper: Oh, come on Sombra this isn’t that bad. We’ve only been here for two hours. Widowmaker hasn’t had any issues, why don’t you just entertain yourself like she does.

Reaper: Er.

Reaper: Widowmaker what do you do to keep yourself busy on your solo mission?

Widowmaker: Enjoy the silence.

Widowmaker: Maybe do some people watching.

Widowmaker: Take in the view.

Widowmaker: Right now, I have a lovely view of a mold stain that looks like the continent of Africa.

Sombra: See! Even Azul’s bored. And she doesn’t get bored!

 

22:35

 

Reaper: So...

Reaper: Did you catch the game last night?

Reaper: Uh.

Reaper: Do either of you watch football?

Sombra: Do you mean football or handegg?

Widowmaker: He means American football.

Sombra: Reaps, I just want you to know how offended I am at you turning on your heritage.

Reaper: I grew up on both sports. It’s not my fault that American football player don’t pretend they tore an ACL every five minutes.

Sombra: _Touché_.

Sombra: Either of you see DVa dominate at the Starcraft world cup? She fucking demolished Kyung-soo.

Reaper: Should I know who that is?

Widowmaker: E-Sports aren’t real sports.

Sombra: _Mierda_ , I can’t believe you two are the only bearable people who work at Talon.

Sombra: And e-sports require more skill and brainpower than whole team of hockey players could hope to produce.

Widowmaker: Video games are games like chess. They require talent, but the worst injury you’re going to get is tendonitis. Sports involve the whole body.

Sombra: What about shooting?

Widowmaker: You try shooting a gun with only your fingers and tell how well you handle the kickback.

 

22:37

 

Reaper: What about you Widow? Got anything to add here?

Widowmaker: I already know neither of you follow dance.

 

22:43

 

Sombra: So, does anyone know any good stories?

Reaper: Did I ever tell you about the time I blew up the Swiss Base?

Sombra: Only six thousand times.

Widowmaker: When I was a girl-

Sombra: No!

Reaper: No!

Widowmaker: _Humph_

Reaper: So do you want to hear about the time I blew up the Swiss Base?

Sombra: Ugh.

[User-Reaper Muted]

 

21:23

 

Sombra: And that’s how I ended up in a dried up swimming pool with an alpaca and eight mil in diamonds for my _Quinceañera_.

Reaper: And I thought McCree was an idiot when he was a teenager.

Widowmaker: For a while there, I wasn’t sure why you wished to pursue a partnership with Talon, but now I think I’m starting to understand.

Widowmaker: Terrible life threatening decisions are just par for the course for you.

 

21:26

 

Sombra: You guys want to play a game or something?

 

21:34

 

Reaper: I spy...

Reaper: Something red.

Sombra: Is the bird carcass on top of those stairs?

Reaper: No.

Widowmaker: Is it the red highlights on your outfit?

Reaper: No.

Sombra: Is...

Sombra: Is that dead bird still moving?

Widowmaker: Is it the lenses of my visor?

Reaper: I can’t see you from my position, Widow.

Sombra: My god, I think it’s mutating.

Widowmaker: Is it that piece of trash blowing in the wind?

Reaper: Yep.

Sombra: I think that’s a Dorito bag. You’d think they’d be above littering at a nuke plant.

Reaper: Widow, you’re up.

Sombra: And no using your scope this time.

Widowmaker: I wasn’t going to.

Widowmaker: ...

Widowmaker: I spy something black.

Reaper: Is it that patch of mold on that tower?

Widowmaker: No.

Sombra: Is it Reaper’s coat?

Widowmaker: No.

 

22:40

 

Sombra: Is it Reaper soul?

Widowmaker: No.

Reaper: Is it the shadows created by the lampposts?

Widowmaker: ...

Widowmaker: Can I give half points?

Sombra: Okay! New game.

Sombra: _Azul_ , do me a favor and check your visor for a new folder called Party Time. I downloaded you some puzzles and stuff for later.

Widowmaker: I told you to leave my equipment alone, Sombra.

Sombra: Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry for touching your stuff. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I think we need it more now.

Widowmaker: Found it.

Widowmaker: Why is there Sudoku in here?

Sombra: Because I have no idea what you like, Widow.

Reaper: Who doesn’t like Sudoku?

Widowmaker: Me.

Sombra: There’s one that’s all riddles. Try that one.

Widowmaker: What language setting?

Reaper: Does it matter? It’s not like we share that many languages anyways.

Sombra: Not French. Your guys’ spelling is atrocious.

Widowmaker: I’m choosing English.

Widowmaker: ....

Widowmaker: There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today to let people see through walls.

Widowmaker: What is it?

Reaper:...

Sombra: ...

Reaper: X-rays?

Sombra: It said ancient.

Sombra: A keyhole?

Widowmaker: No ‘K.’

Widowmaker: Windows.

Sombra: What?

Reaper: What?

Widowmaker: D-O-W. It took it. Next one.

Widowmaker: I’m the part of the bird that can touch the ocean but remains dry. Widowmaker: What am I?

Sombra: Its shadow. Duh.

 

22:58

 

Reaper: Cannot hear, feel, or eat.

Reaper: Hmm. Can you read it again?

Widowmaker: I come in winter. I cannot see, hear, or feel. I can’t eat, but you can eat parts of me.

Sombra: Can we buy a letter, please?                    

Reaper: That’s cheating. Can’t hear, feel, or eat.

Sombra: No it’s not. We have plenty of points. Widow, buy us a letter.

Reaper: I can get this!

Widowmaker: The first letter stands with ‘S.’

Sombra: Sunlight?

Widowmaker: No ‘L’s.

Sombra: Dammit.

Reaper: Snow?

Widowmaker: It didn’t take it.

 

23:12

 

Reaper: Snow peas.

Sombra: Now you’re just guessing.

Sombra: Go over the clues again.

Widowmaker: Begins with ‘S,’ seven letters long, ends with ‘N.’

Reaper: Can’t see, hear, or feel.

Reaper: Can’t see, hear or feel.

Sombra: I can’t believe I’ve actually made things worse.

Reaper: You’re just mad you can’t cheat by looking up the answer and then taunting us with it.

Sombra: I’m mad because this one is stupid.

Sombra: Have you tried skeleton? Wait, that’s too many letters.

Widowmaker: I’m buying the solution.

Widowmaker:...

Widowmaker: Snowman. The answer is snowman.

Reaper: ...

Sombra:...

Widowmaker: ...

Sombra: Well that’s stupid.

                                                             

23:45

 

Widowmaker: Fatherless and motherless, born without sin, roared when it came into the world, and never spoke again.

Sombra: Moon, love, water, shadow, snow.

Reaper: How many letters again?

Sombra: ‘E,’ hate, love, Earth, pain.

Widowmaker: Seven, starts with ‘T.’

Sombra: Blood, fire, tomato, death, elepha- ahh!

Sombra: Get off! Get off!

Sombra: _Mierda!_

All Channels: _Pop!_

Reaper: What the fuck was that.

Widowmaker: A cockroach. I shot it.

Sombra: It was the size of my face!

Sombra: I forgot those fuckers can fly.

Sombra: It was crawling on my leg. _Hur-ug_

Reaper: Oh. Is everyone okay?

Widowmaker: The shot missed Sombra by a wide margin.

Sombra: I’ve been splattered with bug guts and I can’t hear out of my right ear.

Sombra:...

Sombra: Can we get the fuck out of here now?

Reaper:...

Reaper: It’s been close to five hours. I think it’s clear our target isn’t going to show tonight.

Reaper: Even though that shot was repressed, I don’t want to take any chances with security.

Reaper: Let’s pack it up.

Sombra: Oh thank god.

Widowmaker: _Merci_ , Reyes.

 

24:15

 

Reaper: So...

Reaper: Do you two want donuts? You know, as post stakeout treat?

Reaper: It’s Blackwatch tradition.

Sombra: That’s stupid and I want churros. Churros are superior to donuts.

Widowmaker: I want an espresso.

Reaper: Sure, sure. I can do that.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Another fun and short piece. 
> 
> Like the list fic these dabbled are easy to pretty easy to bang out and a nice break from my current long WIP. Which will update again I promise. 
> 
> Let me know if you'd be interested in more or if you have a suggestion.


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